Why Did You Do That?

Why Did You Do That?

There is yet another grisly news of mass killing this morning, the massacre at Fort Hood. This week we heard about the serial rapist and killer with his mass graves right in his neighbor’s backyard. The media are in a frenzy interviewing experts who can shed light on the motives of the killers. We like to understand so the act will make sense to us, so we can classify it among the myriad values and attitudes that we have formed, learned from our own life experiences and observations. If we can’t classify it we are bewildered, confused. We won’t be at ease until we peg this action into something familiar, then we can set it aside and move on, satisfied in our understanding. You see, the measure of our understanding is limited by what we are able to process as familiar. Yes, there are experiences that we share as members of a group, a culture, a country, but as individuals, we are only ourselves, and another’s schemata of a good life may be our despair, or the demise of our soul.

I often wonder about the motives of those who act in the name of charity. We are self righteous in examining the motives of criminals, do we dare examine the motives of those who volunteer in soup kitchens and homeless shelters, those who entertain “senior dependents”, those who volunteer in medical missions, those who feed the children in Africa, those who topple regimes, those who impose political ideology on a people?

People who do bad things and good things have many things in common, often their motives are the same. Take the father who sexually molests his daughter, his motive is no different from any solicitous father,i.e., to teach his daughter about life. The parents of a pregnant teenager feel right in pressuring for marriage or adoption or abortion, against the preference of their daughter, what is their motive? Often protective, to spare their daughter a life of grief. Or the tourist who gives money or gifts to children in 3rd world countries, they feel sorry for these children and want to give them some happiness. Instead they have conditioned these children to become beggars and opportunists, and now consider them an annoyance in travel. The benevolent motive by the Spaniards of christianizing the Philippines and replacing its indigenous culture with their European civilization, killed the Filipino soul. Do we really understand the people of Iraq and Afghanistan to direct that democracy is good for them?

All I’m saying is that we should be very clear with our motives, because we can hurt with good intentions. The medical mission volunteer does it again and again because seeing the beaming and grateful faces of charity patients makes him feel good about himself, that he’s doing god’s work. He expects certain behaviour from the recipient of his charity and if he’s not clear with his motive, he might become angry if not forthcoming from his subject, and he might do something to punish them, like labeling them negatively, or changing program acceptance criteria, or changing his manner and behaviour with them , most commonly by becoming condescending, dismissive or authoritarian. What is Fil-Am’s motive in entertaining our senior citizens? Is it for Fil-Am to feel good about itself, to feel appreciated by the community? What is Fil-Am’s attitude towards our seniors? Do we see them as uninteresting, an uncreative group that needs us to provide diversion? Our seniors have a wealth of experience among themselves, living in the Philippines during times of great change and then uprooting themselves and coming to America. That required tremendous strength and resilience, and perhaps some sacrifice from some of them. If we change how we think about our seniors, perhaps we can have programs that are senior-centered, emphasizing their rich life experience and their strength, rather than providing organization-driven services that sees them as dependent and leading monotonous lives.

“This event is specifically designed to provide our senior dependents the opportunity to gather with their peers and break the monotony of their daily
lives.”

“Most of them can't drive, they take care of their grandkids, and stay home most of the time. Entertaining the "senior dependents" is one of the services that Fil-Am provides to the Filipino community.Please don't be offended by the message. No offense was meant.”

Yes, no offense was meant but it sure hurt me and offended me. Hopefully it’s only me who reacted this way, even if as you said, it was not meant for the likes of me.